Protocol Group Chat Gone Wrong

📆 2026-04-21 09:35

Small Talk (but secure)

Gopher, Gemini, and HTTPS walk into a server.

Gopher breaks the silence and starts first: "I brought a menu."

Gemini nods: "I brought... calm text."

HTTPS: "I brought encryption, certificates, and emotional baggage."

They decide on having a coffee.

HTTPS: "So what do you do?"

Gopher: "I just said 'Menus'."

Gemini: "Text, calm text."

Both Gopher and Gemini look stunned ...

HTTPS waits: "...and what else?"

Gemini: "That's all."

HTTPS drops a pile of JavaScript 📦 "I also have ... everything: React, Angular, Vue, Analytics and something experimental I wrote at 3AM."

Gopher poked the pile with a stick: "Is it ... safe ?"

Gemini: "Define safe."

A request comes in.

Gopher: done.

Gemini: done.

HTTPS: "Establishing secure connection... negotiating TLS ..."

Gemini finishes a second request. Gopher and Gemini are already on their second coffee. Gemini goes ahead and makes 2 more coffees.

HTTPS: "So, how do you make money?"

Gemini: "Are you getting getting money for this?"

Gopher: "What's money???"

HTTPS: "Maybe I'm... too much?"

Gemini: "You're like a sandwich with 19 ingredients when all you needed was bread, salami and cheese..."

Gopher: "You're like a fridge that needs Wi-Fi to keep some beers cold!"

Silence. Another request arrives.

Gemini: instant

Gopher: instant

Both Gemini and Gopher leave.

HTTPS: is still delivering cookies🍪 , a newsletter popup, the "Download our app" banner and starts autoplaying videos nobody asked for...

User: closes tab, goes outside! 🌳

HTTPS: "... I still had to reload the page for dark mode 🌙😔 ..."

HTTPS starts buffering emotionally: "I also added AI recommendations..."