Etiquette of online posting

Social interactions are hard and often people don't learn them well from parents or school. This page has some basic guidelines. An etiquette, if you will.

When I saw Usenet for the first time, I read up on posting etiquette and it wasn't all that obvious to me. So here are some things that weren't all that obvious to me a few years ago but that seem obvious to me, now. Posting online is different from talking to people in person. For one, you don't get an immediate reaction from the person reading your comment -- and then you get the reaction from all the people who also read your comment. Sometimes it doesn't end well.

If you read this page and think that this makes online interactions hard and shuts down conversations then know that this page's intended purpose. A conversation needs consent.

Signs that you might be lacking the necessary etiquette: People you like don't like what you post. You comment on other people's posts and they block you. Strangers insult you. Give it a think. If you get pushback from cis het white men, maybe you're doing something right. If you get pushback by anybody else, maybe you're lacking the necessary etiquette.

Don't comment that something did not entertain or impress you. Doing it makes you look like a narcissist who believes that the world's purpose is to entertain you. Everybody else in the world feels treated like a prop and hates you for it.

Examples:

Don't comment with a joke to somebody not making a joke. You might think that your comment is uplifting but often it comes across as belittling. Perhaps you're making fun of somebody who is hurting and people hate you for it.

Examples:

Don't comment on a post declaring an action, fighting for something, with a discouraging remark. Fighting for things is hard. Seeing faults everywhere is easy. Sometimes strategy discussions among like-minded people is important. A drive-by comment sapping away the momentum of others is not how it works. Don't do it, even if you mean well.

Examples:

Do not make comments more visible than the original posts. The original poster wanted to avoid interacting with some people and the comment's increased visibility might attract the kind of attention the original poster did not want.

Examples:

Do not tag people discussed in a post if the original poster didn't tag them. Let them know that the person has an account, sure. But often the original poster didn't want draw the attention of the person being discussed and tagging them in a comment is like snitching. Don't be a snitch.

Sometimes we read posts and they just speak to us. It happens to all of us. But chances are that none of the posts you are reading are about you. If you don't reply, nothing bad will happen. If you as a reader think that the post speaks to you, personally, and the writer doesn't know you, then things are pretty one sided. This is true for the accounts of famous people the accounts of ordinary people. The result is that if you talk to them like you would to a friend, it weirds people out. Don't treat people as if you knew them only because you've been following them, liking their posts and replying to them. If they're not mutuals, if they don't follow you back, like your posts and reply to them, then they don't know you. You are not friends. You are strangers. Treat them like strangers.

Many people have posted about these issues over the years. This is how we learn. Thank you. Thank you @jonny@neuromatch.social, @emilymbender@dair-community.social, @alice@lgbtqia.space.

​#Fediverse