My Gemlog
November 2025
30 November
It's 7:30-ish in the morning. I'm playing a game of billiards online with an English friend I've had for seventeen years. It's a daily morning ritual: a game of Parcheesi on weekdays before I head out to work, Parcheesi and Billiards in the morning weekends, like an old couple set in our ways. I try to get out and visit every other year or so. This year, I spent "Liberation Day" sitting with him in his attic man-cave, listening to the Velvet Underground, smoking spliffs and watching the stock market tumble with morbid pleasure.
I'm still trying to get used to having a much smaller living space. The savings in rent has been very nice, but I miss having the "run of the place" and not being so self-conscious about my verbal stimming.
It's back to work tomorrow after six days off. I'm not feeling as apprehensive about going back to the routine as I thought I would be. With the shuffling of upper management, I suspect there will be changes to our department after the holidays. I'm really hoping they don't withdraw the two work-from-home days we have left. I am way more productive at home because I don't have to mask around co-workers and I'm free to work without constraints. Plus, it makes the three days I do have to commute to the office more bearable.
29 November
I've been on Thanksgiving holiday for most of this week. I haven't gotten everything done that I wanted to during the time off, but I've been getting the essentials done.
It's difficult finding motivation when the state of the world seems so hopeless.
I finally cut ties with a relative who works for ICE. That was unpleasant.
It's been so long since I've sat down and written. It's been so long since I've sat down and done anything, really. It's hard to find inspiration with the US so fucked up and those with the real power having every incentive in the world to not only maintain the status quo but to accelerate it. I wish I had started keeping a journal at the start of the year as I had planned. Well, better late than never.
I'm tired all the time now. I avoided COVID so far, to the best of my knowledge. I know most of it is just mental and emotional fatigue. Being a person who runs on empathy and justice watching my country be ruled by sadistic monsters who see empathy as an evil to be eliminated from society ... it's soul-crushing. But then again, that's the entire point.
I'm going to try to take better care of myself this coming year. We'll see if it's worth it.
I like the relative obscurity of Gemini. I like that 99.9% of the online world is oblivious to its existence. I like that people have to find it for themselves. Those kind of people tend to be the most interesting people.