hello. i'm afraid i'm too scatter-brained right now to answer every one of your frustrations one at a time. though i do have a catch-all remedy for all of them which i hope can help you- it is called wu wei. the moment you said you were sick of striving, i thought of it. wu wei roughly means doing without effort (without striving)-- but that's just what i've been told it means- i do not speak mandarin or any of the languages spoken currently or historically in mainland china.
i am ecstatic to hear that the exam went well for you. i hope that takes some stress off of your back. maybe now is the time to relax, seeing as the hard work is over- or is there more to come? a moment's break won't hurt. even if you have to set an alarm on your phone so that you won't get carried away, try to spend a portion of each day, generally morning or afternoon, just seperating completely from your day to day challenges. perhaps some one of those movies you mentioned could be your escape. perhaps you are one of the rare few people who does not need an escape, and can naturally enjoy the silence of their own brain on command. either way, if you do manage to find this solace, congratulations, and i hope you enjoy it.
perhaps posting this rant was your escape. in that case, perhaps we will meet again- and if we do, perhaps i'll have an irish coffee with you-- in a different place, of course, but still communicating together over the criss-crossed wires, while enjoying an irish coffee- and if those two aspects, communication and coffee, are not the fundamentals of any good lunch with another person, i'll be damned if i know which things are.
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hey
thanks for the kind, kind words.
Unfortunately there is always more hard work but I cope with it - sometimes better sometimes worse.
I will definitely look into wu wei - I remember reading about it on wikipedia and perhaps I need a refresher.
This was a rant, yes. I sure do hope we meet again. It was nice having this short exchange with you.