April 22nd - 11:36am

Often I'll talk first and talk often to fill the space. Seeming rude or annoyed feels like a terrible sin. He sat down at a table with the broom between his legs, looking off into the distance. I don't say anything. I get up to go use the bathroom because I'm happy and busy. He sighs. I don't say anything. I don't say anything. I don't say any--

"How are you?" I ask.

"I got a lot on my mind."

"Aw."

Voris told me he has to visit his mom after work today and she's feeling sick. He told me yesterday he saw his dad just for a minute and that it's hard seeing both his parents slowly die. Especially, he adds, since he's never reached the life markers parents usually want to see. I assume he means kids, and nod understandingly. He explains further. He said he's 50 now and it will never be the same if he has kids if he would have had them when he was younger.

Voris told me he's had 3 pregnancy scares in his life.

I don't know how a Rules Girl would handle the situation.

April 21st - 12:57pm

Compliment tally:

- Charlotte said I looked pretty

- Leilani said she liked my makeup but my mascara was smeared

- Riya said that my outfit looked like something her grandmother would wear and that it doesn't suit me at all.

- Mackenzie said "you look just like a teacher today!"

At this point I think all of my makeup has rubbed off. I looked in the bathroom mirror and my cheeks are looking a bit blotchy again.

Everyone at this school is old and married or 13 so the specific group I'm trying to entice is pretty much exclusively the high school math teacher. Today I was walking behind him towards the staff lounge. I didn't say a word, until he saw I was behind him and said "Hey Ms. xxxx!" I said Hi back and then he walked away. I wonder if he thinks I was born happy...

I'm going to see him later because he covers the class next door before I cover it. Usually we barely exchange 5 words, which one would think might be a good sign according to The Rules but I'm not sure. I'm going to try to say "I've got a million things to do." The Rules calls girls who follow The Rules a Melanie. Melanie is always ending conversations with "I've got a million things to do" which The Rules suggests is why she has a husband who adores her.

"I've got a million things to do!"

April 21st - 7:10am

I got a seat on my second bus. I think it’s because people can tell I’m a Rules Girl now.

April 21st - 6:58am

Today I woke up and washed my face and brushed my teeth. I put on a small amount of foundation, lip and cheek tint, and mascara. I ate a little oatmeal for breakfast and didn’t pack any coffee for school. My closet posed some problems in dressing in "fashionable, sexy clothes in bright colors." Last week a student told me I dressed like "Adam Sandler... in a good way." I'm wearing all clothes that I think were sold for women.

OUTFIT: Baggy drawstring gap black pants, white and black swirl tank top, red cardigan, white boots.

I waited for my bus behind the garbage truck. Do Rules Girls take the bus?

Some other things I want to explore:

- historical teachers who may be rules girls

April 20th - 9:26pm

I washed half a sink of dishes. I think that's called changing my bad habits (like slovenliness). I also cut down my nails that have been a jagged mess since I started ripping off my gel manicure. Blame it on the forced transfer!

April 20th - 8:24pm

I've decided I'm going to write a substack. The idea of the substack is that each week I'm going to pick a few dating rules that I'm going to focus on and I am going to try them out and then I'm going to write about how it goes. I think for my first column I want to write about the chapter "But First the Product -You!"

This chapter is all about looking and feeling your best!

First, they are sort of just telling me to take care of myself, so I am going to try to do that. I notice that they don't say I can't smoke weed so that's a win. I took a shower and waxed my chin hairs. I tried to do it as demurely as felt appropriate. Tomorrow I'm going to focus on:

- Make exercise exciting by playing music while you do sit-ups

- Men like women who wear fashionable, sexy clothes in bright colors. Why not please them?

- Always remember when you are shopping that you are unique, a creature unlike any other, a woman. Don't aspire to the unisex look.

- Don't leave the house without wearing makeup. Put lipstick on even when you go jogging!

- be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile. Don't talk so much.

- Don't sound cynical or depressed.

- act as if you were born happy.

They do recommend getting a nose job if needed, but I won't dwell on it because my nose is perfect.